For William, on his 19th Birthday

 William,

This birthday feels a bit different. It is the first one we've spent apart and I felt that distance in a significant way. You were celebrated and loved by new friends and their family and that did wonders for my spirit. Wherever you were, you turned nineteen and that means you're almost out of your teen years. 

As I always do before I type the current year's letter I glance back at previous words. I do not know if I can top last year's. Both in the big events or the big words that I had for you as you entered your first "legal" adult year. I'll give it my best, for you.

I have concurrently made the decision to no longer employ the moniker of "Things" for you and sisters. So from this moment forward I shall call you by your name, William. Unless I feel it necessary to use your full name, William Jared, or some other nickname you were given as a child. Hmm, let me see what I can recall. 

From one December to the next there have been monumental shifts in your life. Two months after turning eighteen we boarded a plane, for your first class travel experience, and returned to the states.  Oh, but first to that, in fact, exactly one week prior to our departure you dislocated your shoulder at the skate park and had quite the hospital experience. Thanks to your friend Chris, whom assisted you like a pro in navigating the medical system in Wien. Seriously. There's that. Upon our arrival COVID 19 took full force and all non-essential surgeries were postponed. You waited a few months and then your operation was scheduled, you healed and dove head first into finding employment. You reconnected with friends here and you and Alex spent countless hours camping in the tree house and driving between Franklin and Nashville. Once you received clearance to work out, you begin training again and even going to kick arounds with Dane. Living in the same city as your sisters afforded you the opportunity to become friends with TJ, (Delaney's boyfriend), hang out with them regularly and have fun! Oh, and German class continued stateside. You marched in your first BLM protest. You watched Makenzie closely. All while scanning for your sisters in the crowd periodically. I noticed. I saw your deep concern. We had a presidential election and you VOTED (for your first president)! While living abroad. Because you understood how important it is. Well, done. 

Between the mundane and necessary of relocation, a stirring within you became quite evident. Mention of feeling like an outsider, not understanding the American culture and several other like minded statements were uttered. After tedious consideration and countless conversations you created a plan and made the decision to return to Wien, amidst a global pandemic and without a job or permanent housing. I did not harbor any doubt. I knew your tenacity would drive you.  And it did just that. We are well aware that any international move has its share of speed bumps, road blocks and caution lights. Yours was no different. Here you are four months in and you have secured a job and an apartment and have begun creating a life of your own in Austria. Read those words again. At eighteen you did that.  

Lest I forget, which I do not know how I could, you also have a girlfriend. That seems like big news too. We've met her via FaceTime and heard stories and even met her parents at Christmas. Thank you technology! There are moments when you'll be sharing about a conversation the two of you had, or how the two of you processed the terrorist attack in Wien together, a thoughtful gesture from one another, or a silly mishap you experienced with her and I see you. I mean really see your light and genuine tenderness towards another human. Such a beautiful thing to witness. 

This summer I received a text from you, one that I reread quite often. You were privy to several difficult and challenging conversations between Dad, myself and other family members. During a particularly emotional interaction, you left for work and minutes later I had a message from you. The words you sent were so encouraging and heartfelt. Confirmation for my Mama's heart that you SEE people. I mean really see them. You notice and through your act of telling me, my heart overflowed. I won't share your specific words here, they were for my eyes only and I am ever grateful. The impact of that simple message was immeasurable. I wanted you to know. And to remember that you have that within. 

So in this year of nineteen I hope you know how incredible proud of you I am. You are living your life and making choices that are right for you. This shows me that you are an independent thinker; Considerate in decision making and thoughtful in your actions. I hope you remain true to you, who you are at your core and I hope you learn not to betray or disappoint yourself for the sake of anyone else, your Dad and myself included; Whether that be in ideology or otherwise. You hold the divine within. And when you entered this world the universe smiled, BIG. I know, because I did too. There will be failure and set backs. I hope you remember those are learning opportunities. Feel all the feelings. Acknowledge and welcome the emotion. These too, are all pieces of you. They have the potential to be teachers and guides. I hope you feel like you belong. And I hope that you know that you are loved unconditionally, because you are you.

 I love you so, William Jared. Grateful to be Lena, Machupichu, Mom, and any other name you choose to call me. May you walk into this year wrapped in love and gratitude for the beautiful gift that you are.