Knowing

Could someone please help me here? I am addicted to the blog-o-sphere. Is that a word? I think it is, in fact it might be added to the dictionary this year. Along with a few other tech words that escape me right now, that is fact. I heard it with my own ears on a talk radio show last week. New words being added for our advancement into the networking, face booking, gotta know everything age.

Me, I don't want to know everything. I lie. I do. I want to know what my children will be when they grow up, if they will go to college, if they will hate me, if they will make me a grandmother, if Jared and I will see Italy together, if I will die first, (sorry for the morbidness), I really do think about that, if they will walk with the Lord. Again, we are back to this omnipresence topic. I know there isn't a way for me to be both in the present and the future, but if there were, hold on to your hats! I can easily be overcome with anxiety thinking about the infinite possibilities my life holds. I want to know, as much as I like surprises I really don't care for them. Order, structure, planning, that is what I thrive on. Or do I?

It seems as though the last two years of my life have been riddled with change. Not the kind of change that involves a trip to Starbucks or the Good Cup, change that will rock your world. Yet, when I look back now with a different perspective it doesn't seem so big a mountain. Does that make sense? Of course when I didn't know what waited on the other side of the mountain it seemed impassable, gut wrenching and excruciating. Now, not with my I have to know attitude, but with the attitude and expectancy that my Jesus knows, that mountain doesn't seem so big.

So while I want to know I trust that He knows. I know I've said that before, I have to remind myself of that daily, not so you think I am secure in my walk but so you know that I am not. I am searching, seeking and learning, humbly along the way. And while I struggle with the not knowing He never fails to show me that He knows.

Take a look at what He put in the sky just for us yesterday, after a not so great, not knowing, stumbling kind of day.