Dear Thing 3...

Nineteen.  Also, the first birthday we have celebrated apart from one another.  It seems there have been a litany of firsts this year.  Both for you and me.  You are now stateside, but no longer in NM.  Another adventure in California has been where you've spent the year thus far.  Yet another brave and bold decision you have made with intentionality and purpose.  I can say that with every letter and phone call from you I see something new emerging.  So with that here we go into your recap of eighteen and the looking ahead to the year of nineteen that is before you.

Eighteen, when you were considered an adult.  And now at nineteen you are an adult, but really you will always be my Gilly-Bean and third born daughter.  My letter for this birthday has taken a different tone than in years past.  I think that is appropriate for both where you are and the journey I have been on as your Mother.  There is much unknown about the future and where the next chapter in your story will take you.  For now, I know you have been sitting with all that you are learning, soaking in wisdom and experiences and community and reflecting on what was and what is to come.    Whilst in New Mexico, there was a trip South of the border with the Strand family.  Adventures around Las Cruces and beyond, time with cousins and your Uncle and Aunt whom opened up their home to you and welcomed you in to their daily lives and their community.  Ed and Karen's home was an extension of that and one I am so grateful for.  You continued working at Starbucks until you came to Vienna to celebrate Christmas and New Years with us.  A few weeks of family togetherness and then upon your return you left to move your belongings and car to TN.  A road trip taken with Uncle Aaron who so kindly accompanied you.  What a memory!

So in the year ahead, the year of nineteen, I hope your days are filled with goodness and loving kindness.  Both towards yourself and others.  I hope you are surprised in the very best ways.  And here is a poem for you because sometimes the words are caught in my chest and can't escape.  In those times I look to find someone who says it better, in a way I can't.  All the wishes and hopes and here and now sentiments that well up in my heart, just for you dear daughter.  An ode to the journey you've walked thus far and the one that is before you.  Mary Oliver might just say it best when it comes to new beginnings, new years, new selves.  And here are her words from "The Journey".  Keep on listening.  Fighting for you.  Settling in and being whole in mind, body and soul.  All of you, all the time.  That is the gift.  You are a gift.  Thank you for the privilege it is to be your Mother.  Happy year of nineteen.  I love you more.  x

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice

though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

"Mend my life!" each voice cried.  But you didn't stop. 

You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with it's stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible.  

It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones.  

But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, 

and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, 

that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, 

determined to do the only thing you could do-determined to save the only life you could save.