The anatomy of an iceberg is such, that ten percent is visible above the water and ninety percent (the majority) lies below the surface, unseen. For this purpose the tip above the water reveals all the obvious differences one might encounter. Things such as language, holidays, food, festivals and dress. Yes, all relatively easy to identify contrasts between one's own culture and a different one. Below the surface, lingering, are all those invisible differences. The ones we know exist because our training, reading and studying about our host culture has told us so, but without firsthand experience, they are often the most difficult to comprehend. And truthfully the most difficult to explain to friends and well-meaning family members. Often these variables are subtle, outside of our conscious awareness. Or maybe not definable in daily interactions. Yet, they are ever present, ready to enter life with force and catch one ill prepared. The more hidden differences include the concept of justice, core values, relationship to authority, notions of modesty, personal space, gestures and expectations, rules of conduct, interpretations, manners, beliefs and assumptions. Every culture has them: Our own and the ones foreign to us.
This graphic was just the tool I needed to assist in explaining how life abroad is not the same as life stateside. Certainly within the United States there are different cultures. Regional differences and dialects specific to a people or geographic location. Ultimately though, there is an American culture so distinct and recognizable when abroad. And while at times the English language can feel foreign, depending on your location, at the end of the day it is in fact English. My mother tongue. Here, in Austria, German is the National language. I do not speak German. So daily I am expected to co exist with the German language. To understand just how off-centering this language barrier can be please feel free to read this post. But the language disconnect is not the only stumbling block here, not the only learning curve and definitely not the only reason I have found myself apologizing and shaking my head in utter remorse. Or, better yet, throwing my hands up in disbelief and simultaneously, complimenting this country that has become so dear to me. Like I said in the title, it's complicated.
We're approaching our two year mark in country and I have learned so much in that time and still, there is much more to learn. Most of the lessons have been achieved through experience, interactions and fumbling through mistake after mistake. Others through shared knowledge, from colleagues or friends who have been "in country" longer than us. Occasionally a stranger who enhances our lives and teaches us the way of the Viennese. I say Viennese because, well, we live in Vienna. And if you ask a Viennese person, they will claim that their ways are different than those in other states of Austria. I, for one, believe them. I consistently am being reminded of the "rules" when I'm out in the city. I have had Omas shake their heads at my ripped jeans, Opas have yelled at me on the UBahn for not removing myself from their path. Don't even get me started on the cross walks. Should I even hang my toe over the curb before the crosswalk is green I'll hear a loud "ahem" and then a rant in German that I politely nod to and smile, hoping to diffuse the awkwardness. There was an incident not too long ago that I can't seem to shake. It involved myself, a crosswalk, again, and a fast moving vehicle. I ran across the cross walk, when the light was preparing to turn, said vehicle purposely slowed, rolled down their window and shouted at me. He might have even lifted a certain finger in the air indicating the American gesture for "f*!@ you!". I'm assuming obscenities and other such things were shared. Since I did not understand a word of what he was saying, I smiled and continued on my way. As one does.
The more underlying cultural gaps are the ones that are a tad more difficult to interpret, remember and respect. We have a saying in our house that we have employed with our children consistently since our family's time in Turkey. It has served us incredibly well in navigating the new and different. That saying is, "it's not better or worse, just different". That phrase is certainly applicable here. Or whenever one may find them self surrounded by a culture other than their own. Different. And when in those "different" situations, they are almost always worthy of making the effort to understand, or at the very least to be aware. Again, it's complicated.
Having a few tools in your mental tool box can help in becoming more adept in dealing with cultural differences. One simple way is to read and learn about the culture you'll be immersed in, whether you are traveling for holiday or choosing to stay on a more permanent basis. I have found that spending a day in a local cafe, wherever I am, but in particular here in Vienna, has done wonders for my perception and understanding of the Viennese culture. From people watching, or studying, as I prefer to call it, the gestures, social norms and expectations, even the beauty ideals and manners start to reveal their identities. All that from observation! If you find yourself on holiday and not in a living situation, it is likely that you will not need a depth of knowledge around the structure and belief systems of the culture (those are the broad themes of the underlying ninety percent of the iceberg). These can take years to begin to comprehend. They are often intuitive to the native people, so much so that they themselves can have a difficult time explaining them to outsiders. And please allow me to be frank, I am an “Auslander", or foreigner here in Vienna. Acknowledging that fact has caused me to provide grace upon grace to myself. It may not always be reciprocated but there is a wide schism that can be crossed if it is. Never once has it been discounted, at least in my case. In the attempt to understand, immerse myself and not audibly utter a "but it should be this way", or, "at home, we do it this way", I am slowly opening myself up to a wider, deeper, experience of living abroad and experiencing a culture other than my own.
Comments
Post a Comment