Happy 23rd Birthday to My Eldest...

Sunshine Girl, you are twenty three.  And today we celebrate you.  The year past and all that awaits for this next spin around the sun.  Can you even believe it?  You made it.  You fought hard and through and around and you are standing here, tall and proud and twenty three years old.

These letters I've written for more than seven years now are becoming a trickier medium now.  Your story is your own, not mine to tell.  And yet, this space has been the place where I share and document our family's history and stories, the experiences together and those we've had apart from one another.  I will do my best for you with this letter.  I'll try to choose my words and those in my hopes and wishes for you carefully.

The short version is: you are a gift worthy of celebration, simply because you are you.  You are good.  You make me proud to be your Mama.

My mind wanders frequently to the beginning of this journey we've been on, as mother and daughter, and how this mothering is one, incredibly long and arduous learning how to let go.  A lesson I have clearly not understood well.  And yet, despite my challenges and mistakes and all life has given us, you are here.  Twenty three.  I am so grateful.   Here are twenty three things about you that I believe make you,  you.  Twenty three things to note and acknowledge.   And yes, to celebrate and remember.  To hold and receive.

1. You are creative
2. You lead with justice
3. You are courageous
4. Your dimples, the ones flanking your lower lips, are unique
5. You are a non conformist, despite the fact that it costs you inner peace
6. You are a solid 9w8 on the enneagram
7. When you were little, you told everyone that your eye color was "weasel"
8. You can rock a massive earring like no one else!
9. Books are their own love language with you
10. You are loyal and fiercely protective of your siblings
11. Sunflowers are your favorite
12. The sea calls to you
13. You are always the last one left at the table, which translates to: you savor every meal and relish each and every bite!
14. You are not easily surprised
15. The mystics and poets speak to you
16. Your beliefs and values are strong, and yet you are willing to learn and change and grow
17. Dare I call you an activist?
18. You read people and see, I mean really see, who they are
19. You don't like mushy foods: avocado, banana, etc., texture is important
20. Objects and trinkets are tangible reminders for you of people, places and experiences
21. I call you my Sunshine Girl
22. You like your alone time
23. Change, of any sort, requires processing time, you are not one for last minute changes in plans

So as you begin this year of twenty three I'd like to offer these words.  A blessing, of sorts.  Wishes and hopes and words, all from me and only the best for you.  Sift through, keep what's needed.  Toss the rest to the side, pick it up when you're searching.  Or in need.  And please know, forever and always that I love you.

Own your space.  Live it well and in your way.  Drink in the sorrow, the joy, the pain and the healing.  Let the tears fall and the anger dissipate.  Love your self.  Your entire, complicated and intricate self.  All the innards and the outer.  They make up you.  Beautiful you.  Be soft and gentle with you and others.  Change the narrative if you don't like it.  If you feel restless lean into that.  Dig deep and find the root.  Ask why?  Often.  Whenever necessary institute a course correction.  Say yes to something that scares you.  Stretch the comfort zone.  Walk outside the preconceived boundaries.  Take the risk. Smile because the sun is shining.  Smile because the rain is falling.  Dance: In the kitchen.  In your truck.  In the aisles while grocery shopping.  Snuggle with Raja.  Drink in the joy that is owning a pet.  Be responsible with your gifts and talents.  Share them.  Learn something new.  Steward your resources, financially and otherwise, well.  Dream and create and imagine.  Trust yourself.  You are magnificent.  Your life and presence brings immense joy to me and I am grateful for the gift that you are.  I hope all these and more.  I pray you are drenched in the truth of all that is.  I hope that the negative, the darkness, and all that harms slides away from you.

And in the brilliant words of Maya Angelou, this:

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.








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