Heavy heart after a fitful night's sleep.
What's ailing you my daughter.  Why won't you say.
How do I uncover what lies beneath the surface. 
We throw around words like authentic and genuine, community, and yet emptiness is what fills.  The elephant in the room.  Am I the one blocking.  Do I build the walls.  Have shattered expectations. 
Place my trust, my fulfillment in man.  In idols.  Things that do not live eternal. 
Sure I pray.  I seek.  I knock.  Am I relentless though.  A wild at heart desperate for the gospel, the man behind the gospel.  Jesus. 
Do I give life in my relationships.  Or am I the one that takes and doesn't give.  I desire to give and give more.  Serve like never before.  In small ways.  Unexpected and deliberate always. 
Does the Spirit lead.  Is peace found in the Life giver Himself.  Not in the world that surrounds. 
 I hope.  I cling.  I am down on my knees.  Here is where I beg for my soul to be invaded.  For my heart to break over what breaks His.  For the head knowledge I know to be true to be felt throughout.  Felt so that it pours over.  A life lived well.  Radically pursuing a God I can not see. 

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