Letting Go, giving up and moving on

Not sure if this is an accurate title for this post.  We shall see.  So last night we watched Bruce Almighty.  The one with Jim Carrey and Jennifer Anniston.  Hilarious.  Although instead of laughing I was crying.  Literally. 

The conversation near the end of the movie between God and Bruce struck a cord.  Struck something, maybe a well deep within.  There are countless Biblical references and spiritual connotations throughout the movie.  Yet something about the two of them, God and Bruce, washing the floor clean really got to me.  Rolling up their sleeves and doing the "dirty" work together.  Do you think that's really what it's like for Him?  Now I know, how we can apply human attributes to God, but hey He did become flesh.  So, put all the theology aside for a moment.  I finally agree there is cleaning to be done and He comes along side me and we do it together.  There is no "aha moment".  No easy fix.  Just good ol' fashioned manual labor.  All that yuck just isn't washed away once I chose the Way?  No I guess not.  At least not for me.

It seems that God and I are at work together quite a lot.  There is alot of washing to be done with this soul.  Daily.  Which brings me to another moment in the movie where God reminds Bruce that anything that is dirty can always be made clean.  Amen.  I know this.  I mean I've been taught this, I've read it, I have the devotionals that tell me so.  How is it that I find it so hard to believe that this is for me?  I have a challenging time letting go. I reflect on any given situation for far too long.  The past is not really the past for me.  It is a haunting reminder of all that I used to be.  The lies, the sin, the gratuitous relationships and all the muck  that was my life.  And then when I do stumble as a believer, which I am now, I dwell.  Did I say the wrong thing?  What do they think of me?  Did I make a good impression?  Was I true to myself?  Uh no.  How can I really know who I am?  I digress.  That is a contemplation for another post altogether.  The worry, the selfish pre occupation.  What is that they say about the fall, oh yeah, pride always comes before it.  Note to self, remember that.  And remember that shame is the merely the flip side of pride. 

So, all this to say that it took a movie to remind me of these Truths.  The truth that Jesus is the only way.  The truth that yes, I will fall and fall hard, and that is ok.  I can get back up again and move on.  Ask for forgiveness and make the effort to do better next time.  And there will be a next time.  The people in my past are there for a reason.  It is ok to move on.  Not all relationships are for a lifetime.  Some only for a season.  And in that season there was a purpose.

Now, don't read into this please.  The past is there for us to learn from, it is when we focus only on that and not on the power of our Savior.  Ultimately, the power He has given to us and that most often I am too afraid to realize.  I don't have a prettly little bow to wrap up this post with.  No final words of wisdom, no scripture with the be all end all.  What I do have is this journal if you will.  This blog that sometimes requires me to share these jumbled thoughts.  Now I will take a deep breath and move on.  Thanks.