Flooded...With Thoughts

Can I just complain here for a brief moment?  Would that be alright?  Is anyone capable of stopping me?  Didn't think so.  I know, I shouldn't whine or even utter a complaint but I am only human.  One individual human whom at times falls so hard and far I can't even help myself.  There will be no masks today, no super-woman costume to put on.  Just me in all my fraility and junk.

I am overwhelmed.  Hard to believe, yes I know.  Perspective has been lost for sometime and I just can't seem to find it.  My Things are healthy, Husband Jared is safe and I have Jesus.  What is there that I should be anxious about?  The answer is NOTHING.  Nothing at all.  Except that we are moving to a foreign country and there are about a zillion things on my to do list, not enough hours in the day, school is almost over, there is a going away party to plan, furniture to sell, a vehicle to sell and oh yeah, laundry and Mama duty still to deal with. 

And speaking of perspective I just don't know how military spouses do this, or single parents for that matter.  I miss my husband.  My Things miss their Daddy and this week is evidence to prove that.  We are having an emotional one.  Why hide it?  This is us, in all our realness.  I yell, I cry, I pound my fists with frustration.  And then I catch a glimpse of perspective.  All of this is fleeting.  Only of this world.  Gone in the snap of a finger.  Yes, I have to deal with what is in front of me, but has He ever left my side before?  Why would he now?  He knows my heart in all it's ugliness.  Those temper tantrums I have behind closed doors.  It's there, exposed.  Thrown out so we can move on. 

Move on I will do.  Well, all of us will eventually.  Move to Turkey.  Everything on my list will eventually be crossed off.  For now I am not going to tie myself in knots.  I will let go.  I will be in the moment.  I WILL end this pity party.  All of this placed in my path is a gift in some form.  All opportunities either to be grateful for or to grow from.  I want to be here.  I want to be in this. 

Thank you for reading.  This is my journal.  A chronicle of my life with Husband Jared and the Things.  Sometimes i just have to lay it all out there.  Pound my fists a little, shake my head in confusion.  For how could I understand, His eyes are not mine and His ways are not of this world.  Thankfully He loves me, and He loves perfectly.

1 Response to "Flooded...With Thoughts"

  1. corynn Says:

    You can do it, you are super mom! Only a couple more weeks. I cant imagine how busy things are for you right now. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Love ya.

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